We do things a little differently here in Michigan. We drink “pop” instead of “soda.” It’s not uncommon for us to switch back and forth between the furnace and the a/c multiple times a day. We use our hands as maps to show people where we live.
In our defense, though, we’re simply following our leaders when it comes to being a little kooky, because we have some of the weirdest, most ridiculous laws ever in this Great Lakes State of ours.
I stumbled across a site this morning called www.dumblaws.com (by way of a blog post on Jenny Hansen’s Blog), which breaks down the most asinine laws in the country, state by state and city by city. What I found was, well, I’ll just let you see for yourselves:
Dumb Laws in the State of Michigan:
No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl, or else he risks five years in prison.
If enforced, that law would throw quite a wrench in the dating scene, wouldn’t it? What’s the alternative for a man who can’t seduce an unmarried girl? To go about seducing girls that are already married? Sounds legit.
Cars may not be sold on Sundays.
This one actually makes a little sense. Frees those car salesmen up to spend their Sundays at church praying to be forgiven for their shady, deceitful business practices. Right?
It is legal for a robber to file a lawsuit if he or she got hurt in your house.
Note to self: Stop locking the doors at night so that anyone wishing to break in doesn’t have to break a window to do so, thus eliminating the risk of them cutting their thieving hands on shards of glass.
And my personal favorite…
No woman is allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.
I almost feel like shaving my head now just so I can call myself an outlaw.
Think those are bad? Some local laws are even worse. (Not surprisingly, the most bizarre ones come out of your favorite city and mine, Detroit.)
It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
The dumbest thing about this law is that it’s limited to Sundays. Can we just get a complete ban on “scowling husbands” altogether? That would be awesome.
It is illegal to let your pig run free in Detroit unless it has a ring in its nose.
Couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple’s own property.
So…secluded location car sex = bad, but front yard backseat love making = totally cool? Got it.
Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited.
Even if said radio is destroyed in a rage after the 30th Justin Bieber song of the day?! Sounds a little unreasonable to me.
No person shall throw an abandoned hoop skirt into any street or on any sidewalk, under penalty of a five- dollar fine for each offense.
This one would be worth the fine alone, just to see the looks on people’s faces when I throw an “abandoned hoop skirt” out in the middle of Woodward Ave.
There is a law that makes it legal for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
Read it again. There is a law that makes it LEGAL.
In Harper Woods:
It is illegal to paint sparrows to sell them as parakeets.
Guess I’d better come up with a new get rich quick scheme!
It is against the law to serenade your girlfriend.
Hey there, Delilah. That’s not cool.
All bathing suits must have been inspected by the head of police.
I bet the fellas line up around the block for that position every time it goes vacant.
And finally, in Wayland:
Anyone can keep their cow on Main Street downtown at a cost of 3 cents per day.
Guys, you now have a suggestion for where your mother-in-law can stay next time she comes to visit! Start saving those pennies!
I hope you enjoyed this list as much as I did. We all need a little funny in our lives, especially on a Monday. But don’t laugh too hard, because these are all actual laws on the books in Michigan. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I wanted to. Don’t believe me? Visit http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/michigan to see for yourselves!